Maybe you’re doing it wrong.
Once every few years I make it a point to re-watch HBO’s Band of Brothers miniseries. This ten-part offering from Spielberg, Hanks, & Co, follows Easy Company of the Army’s 101st Airborne from training in Georgia through World War II’s end. It’s absolutely a story about war. It’s a story about a specific war. It’s a story about the experiences of a particular group of men in one specific war.
But the main takeaway, it seems, is that it’s a story about camaraderie. It’s a story about a handful of guys – young guys, terrifyingly young given what we asked them to do – who experienced something few of us can imagine, and the bonds that formed between them.
I’ve noticed that all the good war books I’ve ever read, and all the best war movies I’ve ever seen, have this theme: the bonds that form between men who share foxholes. There’s something to that, something worth investigating and latching on to.
And that’s exactly where Christian men’s ministries find themselves. The effort now seems to be to correct the previous generation’s disinterest in men by amping up the emphasis on camaraderie in their church men’s groups. There are even ministries called “Band of Brothers” in a no-attempt-at-subtlety theft and adoption of the cinematic motif.
The goal of each of these ministries is to: solidify the bonds between a group of men such that their connection can be useful in their spiritual growth and discipleship.
I respect the effort. I really appreciate that the church seems to be waking up to the importance of reaching its men. And that they’re starting to understand the significance of men’s friendships is a burst of useful insight I don’t usually associate with the church. But I think the approach exposes their lack of actual mastery of the subject of manhood. Here’s what I mean:
The Formula is Backwards
We begin with a correct premise: Camaraderie is an essential ingredient to surviving war. A tight-knit group of soldiers has infinitely greater odds against the Germans and a tight-knit group of Christian men will be vastly more successful than the isolated Christian.
But how is the camaraderie formed? With the tight-knit group of soldiers, it’s forged in the fires of battles. The hell of boot camp begins to meld them together, but once the shit hits the fan, that’s when it really gets real. Watch Band of Brothers again. Watch the interviews with the actual men. Note their obvious affection for their comrades in arms. They love each other because they battled and bled together.
The church, however, approaches it backwards. The dominant assumption is that you can stick a dozen guys in a room, feed them, and – BOOM – camaraderie. Then, with camaraderie in place, they can survive whatever battles (in reality, there aren’t any – we’ll come back to this) they find themselves in. But this is a facade. It’s not the real thing. You can’t expect proximity and a few shared core beliefs to solidify a group of men into a fighting force. It doesn’t work that way. But odds are the local chapter of Band of Brothers assumes it will.
Men need shared struggle to form bonds.
There’s No Initiation
Post Battle of the Bulge, we see the tired, wounded, shell-shocked troopers of Easy Co in flatbeds being hauled into whichever town they’re to defend next. Meeting them there was a soldier that had been with them since the start, but was rehabbing war-wounds in a hospital while EASY was shivering in the Ardennes. As he approached his former mates he was, essentially, shunned. They wanted nothing to do with him. Why? Because while they were digging into the dichotomously frozen and molten ground of the Ardennes forest, he was safe. He didn’t suffer with him. Thus, he was not granted instant access back into the group. He had to prove himself; he had to earn the right once again.
On the other hand, if you want to join a Christian Band of Brothers, just fill out the bulletin insert.
It’s too easy to get in. And once you’re in, say the rules of the feminized culture, you’re equal. Anything else wouldn’t be nice. And we may be pretending to train for war, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be nice. There’s no point at which a man has to prove himself to the men he claims (by his presence) to intend to fight with and for. No show of skill or grit. No litmus test for loyalty or valor.
And not only is it too easy to get in, it’s too easy to stay in. You can be unreliable, unprepared, even uninterested, but if you show up for the bi-weekly meetings, you’re part of the group.
Easy, free access devalues the mission to all the men. When access and equality is guaranteed, people lose their passion and lower their standards.
We’re Not Fighting Any Wars
Hear me well. I did not say there weren’t any wars to fight. I said we’re not fighting them. This is a cornerstone to the Band of Brothers concept. Without Nazi Germany’s aggression and Imperial Japan’s delusion these men would not know each other and we would not be inspired by their tales of heroism and camaraderie. But they did have a war to fight. They had a homeland to defend. They had a cause worth dying for.
The church doesn’t know much about war. We pay lip service to it. We tell the masses of bored, neutered, nice guys to put on the armor of God, watch Braveheart, come to the weekly Band of Brothers pancake breakfast, but we don’t know much about war. We couch our daily responsibilities as “battlegrounds” but we don’t really believe it.
Most of us – myself included- don’t know shit about battle.
Don’t Waste Your (or my!) Time
Until the church is willing to pick a fight – until the men in the church have that lifetime cause that drives them to stare defiantly down the barrels of the enemies’ weapons – don’t waste your time with a Band of Brothers. It’s just a fancy new name for the same, rehashed waste of time we’ve seen for a generation.
More importantly, it won’t actually have any consequential positive impact anyway. It is the truest definition of futility to say, “We don’t have the purpose, the outlook, the passion, or the cause, but, by God, we’re going to get something on the calendar!” STOP!
If… IF… we could just muster the courage and develop the vision to pick a fight you’d see men come alive. Their Brothers in Pancakes would become actual brothers. Their friendships would be true and deep and serve an eternal purpose. Their battle stories would inspire their neighbors, and their sons would listen in awe – a new generation of warriors learning in real time. What an amazing thought – legions of dangerous, strong, battle-ready men storming the enemies’ lines, defending the kingdom, raising our flag where once the darkness reigned.
So, instead of trying to design programs with catchy themes based on popular entertainment, let’s get pissed off that evil is on the march. And let’s infect the guy next to us with our rage. And let’s demand our leaders train us well for actual battle.
And then let’s fight. The camaraderie will take care of itself.
I’ve been to many a men’s group and have become completely disinterested in them. They always 2-3 months and then fizzle out when someone can’t make a couple, then stops showing up, then everyone stops showing up, and it’s over. This is what has always killed me about “Men’s Ministry” in Christianity- a group of guys getting together and thinking they can be friends with each other because of a belief. If you really want to find fraternity, go to an AA meeting. Go find a group of men, Christian or not, that struggle with the same thing you do- porn, alcohol, etc. That way, there’s a clear “good guy” and a clear “bad guy” (porn, booze, etc) and you all partake in a fight against the evil or struggle that is part of you. That’s how this “Band of Brothers” could be formed. These are the only battles being fought at this point. Just find a struggle within yourself and find others that you can reciprocate this sharing.
I should say, this “sharing” involves an actual personal thing. Republican, democrats, Jews, Muslims, Lutherans, atheists….these are all bad examples of a deeply personal thing. I’m talking about porn, alcohol, drugs, the girl you want to sleep with next door that’s not your wife, anger, depression, sadness, death…
What is the fight?
Secondly, a Christian men’s group seems especially difficult to pull off. I’m not sure how one fights evil when the group can’t figure out what they agree upon as good and evil. The Baptist church on 5th street preaches A while the Baptist church on 7th preaches B, and A does not equal B. This is something I’ve always found to be discouraging & problematic about Protestantism- relativism. If a Protestant men’s group is focused on evangelization, 2-3 months is being optimistic.
So, Dutch, what are your thoughts? Didn’t think you’d be back when the site went down a few years ago. Glad to see you are.
I think you’re not totally wrong.
I think it would be pretty cool if we found a battle that wasnt necessarily about us.
Though, fighting the battle against lusting after your neighbor is a good battle.
It’s gotta be about more than self-help and self-improvement.
Glad to be back. Thanks for jumping back in with us!
Then what is battle if not against ourselves? With what belief are you suggesting we align ourselves?
What’s the question behind the question. I feel a little like I’m conversing with a masked man. What’s the realest question?
I’m not really sure how I’m being cryptic, but I’ll try to explain further. Suffering for the sake of suffering alone is pointless. To use the Band of Brothers example, there needs to be a fight in order for this suffering to take place that leads to fraternity. I’m asking what the fight is. What are men gathering to fight against? What is the truth that the men’s group is defending?
What’s the fight? Gotcha.
Well, you named some of them… Alcoholism, lust, porn.
The risk, however, is deepening the inward focus and neglecting our manly obligation to protect others.
So, my challenge was to think outwardly: fight sex trafficking, fatherlessness, the systematic emasculation of our sons.
Limitless options, right?
Good article. I think when our band of brothers was doing best was when we did projects together for others. Go build a deck for someone less fortunate than you. At no cost to them. Take the projects away and we lost the little battles we did together. Watch a man work and you can know his soul pretty quick.
We stopped doing projects and we lost half the group. Still trying to find the right mix.
If we are talking about a “Christian” war, battle or fight, the only fight is a spiritual one against the evil forces in the heavens. The scriptures are clear. Porn and alcohol and coveting your neighbors wife, and cheating on taxes and spending too much time on SM and whatever else we want to label sin (not diminishing that these are true sins, especially SM, lol) we are taking sword hacks at flaky skin. We spend all of our energy scraping the fuzzy mold off the outside of the wall when the problem is inside. It’s going to keep coming back! Our war is against our flesh now at odds with a regenerated spirit. That’s the answer to the “what are we fighting against?” Question. How we fight it is through constant surrender or killing of our flesh (see Jesus’ teaching), dying to our selves so that little by little even this fallen body will be beaten into submission, one day at a time, over and over, simply finding ourselves insufficient to accomplish any real change, and experiencing the changing power of a life truly surrendered to Christ and His Will Being Done on (or “in” as I prefer the translation) Earth. The brothers necessity in this fight is that, on our own we will, not might, rest and fall short of the true extent of growth to which we are capable in Christ. When we find through honest confession and graceful reception of the confession from our brothers, the healing power that the book of James promises, the enemy’s strong holds begin to weaken as we see that these things that continue to bind us, not used to, are not enough to turn our brothers away in disgust, we begin to see how much more our Father in heaven is cheering us on and walking with us in. No, He doesn’t approve of sin, but He urges a repentant lifestyle. It is one thing to sin and say, welp, that’s just me take it or leave it. It is totally opposite to say, “damn, I sinned again, Father, I’m trying but I’m gonna need some more help walking today, will you?” Then finding His is the hand outstretched in offer of help up. I have found it impossible to gain any traction toward truly believing in a Father-God like this without experiencing Him through love and grace of Brothers with whom He has allowed me proximity to walk. There is real life here. Welcome if it sounds impossible. The best is yet to come!
Blessings, Ched Heiss