I’ve been contemplating discipline lately. Usually after I order pizza instead of eating something healthier that I already have in the fridge. Or when, instead of getting up early and working out, I chose to lay in bed and read my Facebook feed. Or when it’s the night before a massive presentation at work and I’m cramming to complete it. Or when the grass is nearing 6 inches high and pushing the mower is significantly more difficult than it needs to be. Or when money’s tight – which I discover on one of my 7 internet connected devices.

I’m not a disciplined person. The posting schedule at blog of manly confirms it.

I think I want to be disciplined. But I must want something else more, because I’m not there.

I also think a lot about freedom. Or, more accurately, how great it would be to be free. Free from government interference. Free from debt. Free from being overweight and all that that entails. Etc.

I’m 100% aware that there’s a direct correlation between:

“I’m not a disciplined person” and “I think a lot about how great it would be to be free.”

What I can’t figure out is: why don’t I want freedom more than instant gratification?

I see videos like this and just wonder what it is about this dude that’s different in me:

As I think it through, there are a few other thoughts related to this – some more closely than others:

  • My desire for freedom is good. The flip side of the desire for freedom is the rejection of accountability. I got that in spades too. Don’t tell me what to do. Makes it hard to humble myself and be challenged when I’m acting in opposition to my own best interests.
  • I don’t believe as many people are as addicted to as many things as we’re asked to believe. Often it’s just creating an excuse for bad behavior. When it comes to sugar, however, I’m starting to believe it ranks only slightly behind heroin in terms of difficulty to quit. Note: I have no experience with heroin, but I did watch every episode The Wire.
  • I hold this belief that “We do what we want to do.” Applied, it would mean that I prefer the behaviors that lead me to wish I behaved differently. I desire my own harm more than my own good.
  • This was easier when I was beating up on you guys. Being introspective is harder.

There’s a lot to this. And I’m not going to make any bold, poorly thought out commitments. When I’m ready to commit to something specific, I’ll make sure you know so you can ask me about it. I’ll work on the whole accountability thing too.

I don’t know… am I alone in this?